Symmetry & Human Psychology — mazeepuran (माझे e-पुराण)

“But why are we attracted to symmetry? Why do we human beings delight in seeing perfectly round planets through the lens of a telescope and six-sided snowflakes on a cold winter day? The answer must be partly psychological. I would claim that symmetry represents order, and we crave order in this strange universe we find […]

Symmetry & Human Psychology — mazeepuran (माझे e-पुराण)

Dear Future Husband,

HEEYY future husband! How are you feeling!?…Me, I’m feeling smooth. It’s Friday, I didn’t just get paid, I’m not party hunting or drinking but the bass on this Mary J Blige song is bumping and my boo-tay is shaking just a little. With everything going on in the world, I feel its important to sing and dance everyday. It keeps me grounded and helps me decompress. My emotions have been on one million lately…Well my emotions have been on one million since I was a little girl but that’s a different story for another day.

I see you💕

Currently I live with my son and our G.G.C.( Golden Girl Crew) which is my mom and grandma who has dementia. My grandma has been living with us for almost 8 years and has been declining little by little since moving with us. My mom and I feel like she’s been declining at a more rapid rate this year and it’s getting more difficult to deal with her. This morning around 8:30, I heard my grandma’s walker coming up the hallway. I assumed she was going to the bathroom but she was headed toward the front door. We have a step down into our house in the living room, Thank YAHWEH we do because my grandma would have left. When I approached her she looked scared, frazzled and didn’t recognize me. I asked her what was wrong and she said I need you to call the police they’re trying to kill me. Apparently, she had a nightmare and it took a while to calm her down. Within the last couple of months she’s been asking my mom if she’s dying and some days when she’s frustrated she says I wish GOD would just take me. I feel bad for my grandma. There are days when I wish YAHWEH would call her home because it seems like she’s suffering.

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Christmas 2019✨

So, after I did my part to calm my grandma down, I had to get ready for my son’s doctor appointment. I am loving the tell-a-med virtual appointments. He sees a few specialist and their offices are almost 2 hours away from where we live. I dread going up there but covid has lessened my burden on that end some what. His appointment went very well and we got a new neurologist which is something I’ve been talking to YAHWEH about. We were suppose to drive to the office in September but the nurse called and offered me a virtual visit instead. CAN I GET A AMEN AND HALLELUJAH!! His doc was asking me about school and I strongly dislike talking about school because of what we experienced last year. I had to withdraw him from school because I suspect he was neglected and abused. 2019 was a traumatic year for us but we made it through. Thanks to the Holy Trinity. Now that’s it time to go back to school my son wants to go back but he’s not keeping a mask on all day and I refuse to put him back into the school district he was previously in. So I don’t know what this school year is going to be like!???

Just got finished eating a snack and now we feel like a snack😁

After the appointment, my son and I watch some episodes from Shark week, washed the car and maxed and relaxed for the rest of the day. We had a great day! I hope you had a great day!! I also hope you are using the quarantine time to evaluate and upgrade your self. I’ve learned a lot about myself during this season. YAHWEH has been teaching me about myself and lots of other things. I’ve yearned to be a wife since I was a little girl but rejected the idea of marriage after things went south with my son’s father. However, over the past few years YAHWEH has been changing my perspective about marriage. Biblical marriage is completely different from worldly marriage. Just like biblical love is different from worldly love. I can’t get down with the LOVE IS LOVE narrative. I want Biblical Marriage, Biblical Love and a Biblical Family. Genesis 2:21-24 is one of my favorite scriptures. So like I said I hope you had a great day. I hope that you are safe wherever you are. I pray you are strengthening your intimate one-on-one relationship with the HOLY TRINITY. TTYL -Dom-

KJV 🙏🏽 Where’s my rib at??👀

Exoneration

1. Exoneration of thy self is not an easy task. It’s extremely turbulent and can cause extreme heart ache. Especially when others decide your fate.
❤🥳😎🧐💙😕😟🥶💜😰😢😱💔

2. Once the faults of the past are realized and examined, how do you move forward without repeating the same patterns, habits and/or addictions? Can you overide the urge to backslide into the darkness?
💔😖😭😢💜🤬🤬🤬💙🧐🥺😳💜

3. Exoneration of thy self can cause one’s self to explore; doing impulsive and destructive activities to one’s self & others. One’s mental health can diminish within seconds…
💔🤯🤯🤕💔😫😫😫💔😭😭🤯💔

4. Sometimes it’s fun and exciting to dwell in the darkness. There are no rules or expectations when you’re in the darkness! You can do whatever, be whatever, think whatever, explore whatever in the darkness. There’s no responsibility or punishment in the darkness!?…
🤎😀😂😉🖤🤬😈👹🖤🤬💀👺🖤

5. However, once you’re in the darkness can you fall deeper… deeper…until you reach the abyss? Regardless of what you have done, do you deserve redemption for the abominations that you have done? Can you climb out of the darkness and/or abyss with a clean slate; with a renewed heart, mind, body soul, and spirit?
🕳💀👹🤬🖤😈😈😈🤎😡😠😠🤎

6. I haven’t always been the best person to myself! I didn’t defend myself when I should have. I didn’t speak up for myself when I should have. I didn’t say NO when I should have. I didn’t LOVE myself the way I should have. I didn’t love YAHWEH the way I should have. I hid my pain and trauma because I was afraid of people’s reaction. I cried in silence behind closed doors so many times, for so many years. I ate my pain away until I became obese and ugly to some, even myself. I punished myself over and over for not doing and being better. YAHWEH said He wouldn’t flood the earth again but my tears can flood the earth 20 times over.
🕳🥺😨😰🤎😭😭😭🤎😭😭😭🤎

7. In my destruction of thy self, I wasn’t always a good daughter, mother, sister, or friend. I was extremely toxic in numerous ways to numerous people. I used and abused people. I bullied people. I emotionally manipulated people.I even thought of killing people and actually did. The only reason I’m not in jail is because it’s legal to get away with the murder I committed.
🕳🤬🤬😈🖤😡🤬😈🖤🥵🤮🥶💙

8. Some never get a second chance but, then there are some who are blessed with chance after chance to redeem themselves. Once redepmtion and exoneration is achieved, is this person ready to be rehabilitated into society? Whose helping “the redeemed” to rehabilitate into a society whose deemed them unworthy. Our justice system certainly doesn’t seem to work that way!?
💔😳😥😢💙😫😤🤕💙🥶🤔🤔🤯

9.Our society is quick to cancel somebody who disagrees with the popular opinion and gets highly offended when they don’t hear or see something that follows the popular movement or feeling. Emotions and feelings change day to day so, how do we deal with our changing emotinal state that often leads us into the darkness and/or abyss? Can we forgive and agree to disagree? Instead of forcing others to “bow down” to one’s ignorance? Can we have honest conversations where people don’t get offended? Can we work on healing old wounds that have bleed over thousands of times?
🖤😳🤔🤔🖤😣😩😤💔😟🤔🤔💔

10. Exoneration of thy self is not an easy task. It’s extremely turbulent and can cause extreme heart ache. Especially when others decide your fate. I have been blessed with the opportunity to turn from my wicked ways.I never want to go back to the abyss and darkness. There is no life there. Am I perfect NO and never will be. Everday I have to diligently seek YESHUA in all my ways. YESHUA pulled me from the abyss and darkness so YAHWEH could renew my heart, mind, body, soul and spirit. I’m glad YAHWEH determines my fate and not the world!! Love you Heavenly Father!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍😍🤩🤩🤩🤩
🕳🖤🤎💙💜🧡❤😀😃😁😊☺🤓😎

Dear Near Future👋🏽🙏🏽…

Dear Near Future…

 Soon, I want Jaden to be healthy and happy. I want jay and I to face our fears about school and anything else that brings us anxiety or distress. I want my son to be in an educational environment where he is thriving not just surviving. I want him to be in an environment where educators, mentors and protectors’ dwell.
I want Jaden to be around his peers so that he can establish positive and lasting friendships. I want him to be in an educational environment that promotes kindness, compassion, and love.
I want his educational environment to encourage his curiosities so, long as they are school appropriate. I want his educators, mentors and protectors to discipline fairly, compassionately and most of all keep me abreast to what is happening to my son while he is in school. WE want to trust EVERYONE that is on school premises! Teamwork makes the dream-work!!

My son used to love school and I want him to fall in love with school again! I loved school and still do; I would love a master’s degree, but our education system is disgusting. People who are narrow minded and not really invested in our Education are in control of our future. Their ignorance and lack of leadership discourages me from getting my Masters. Plus, higher Education is expensive A.S.F. and if I’m going to invest in myself, my future,
I want to be able to choose all my classes and not be limited to certain classes. There were plenty of communications that I wanted to take but couldn’t because I had to take other classes I wasn’t interested in. I do agree a student should be well rounded in different areas, but WE should get to choose what we take.  I have a bachelor’s degree in communications and I also have an associate in medical assisting. Two different majors but together they have been changing my life.

I was headed into my junior year of high school when I got pregnant with my son. Before I got pregnant, I loved school and was excited about the educational path I was going to take. Everything that I was exposed to in kindergarten, elementary and middle school helped prepared me for my high school experiences.  Except, getting pregnant that is. I had the privilege of taken classes in high school that helped me release my creative gene and communication was a major where I could release my creative genius. When my son was diagnosed, I stopped my bachelor’s degree and pursued medical assisting. I wanted to do massage therapy, but a great counselor listened to my story and suggest I take up medical assisting, as it would make me more well-rounded to deal with doctors.  My instincts constantly reminded me to not let doctors’ experiment with Jaden. Yes, there will be trial and error but certain things we are not down for, I don’t care what the statistics are.

 My son was 2 when he was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal disorder called MECP2 Duplication Syndrome. MECP2 has many symptoms but my son suffers from epilepsy, hypotonia, sleep apnea, reoccurring constipation, is more susceptible to respiratory infections, and is globally delayed. On May 31, 2019 Jaden went in for what should have been a routine MRI, but it turned into a nightmare. He never woke up from the anesthesia and ended up in ICU for nine days. Seven of those days he was hooked up to a ventilator and on an ass load of pharmaceuticals. He spent a total of 14 days in Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. During this hospital stay I also found out his aortic root is moderate to severely enlarged. Jaden is currently on restricted activity level. This life changing event rolled up almost 4 months after I had to pull Jaden out of Atlantic County Special Services School which is in Mays Landing, NJ.


On January 18 and February 14, 2019 my son was neglected and abused on school premises. On January 18 he had a bloody nose and none of the faculty could explain why there was dry and wet blood inside and outside his nose.
On February 14, the nurse and his teacher said he was playing on the floor and that’s when they noticed a scrape under his nose and what looked like a chapped lip. In my son’s IEP, Individualized Education Program, it states my son is to have a one to one personal aide 360 minutes daily. Where was his personal aide when these incidents happened? Why wasn’t an incident report filed? Why wasn’t I contacted January 18th? The nurse called me February 14th but that’s only because I complained about not being contact about the January 18th incident.  I filed a complaint with the resource officer stationed to ACSSSD, but he didn’t find any foul play. I asked him for a copy of the report, and he said no problem. However, when I requested the report from Hamilton township, they denied my request. I filed a complaint with the Department of Child Protective Agency and their report was inconclusive.  I also requested my son’s school records from Atlantic County Special Services School and Hamilton Township school district, neither institution has provided me with those documents.

Continuing, it feels AMAZING writing about how challenging 2019 has been. My biggest fears have manifested, and it is now time for healing. My son and I are fearful to go back to school and we both have PTSD from everything that has happened thus far but the one thing that has kept us going is GOD. We must ask GOD daily, to help us to forgive Atlantic County Special Services School and Hamilton township for their negligence, abuse, lack of response and lack of compassion. I pray that all parties involved have repented or choose a path that will bring them closer to GOD. All parties involved should be grateful that Jesus and GOD reached me before I could reach them. On September 10, 2019, I received a letter from Marylynn Stecher who the supervisor of Special Education and Child Study Teams. Ms. Stecher wanted to remind me that the Hamilton Township School District shall remain ready and willing to provide my son with a free and appropriate education. I think its adorable that the township wants to provide my son an education but wont even give me my son’s educational record nor will they give me the truth as to what happened to him while he was at school January 18th and February 14th.  

Dear near future,

    My son and I will find success in our educational environments. Educational environments where we will be safe, protected, nurtured and thirsty for knowledge. Jaden used to love school but has become timid about his educational future. I could live without a master’s degree, but my son was in 6th grade when the BS happened at Atlantic County Special Services School. He still has a great deal of primary education to gain. One of the reasons I loved school was because of the educators, counselors, faculty and staff that worked in the environment. I was blessed with some phenomenal people who nurtured, motivated, protected and educated me. I want my son to feel safe when he’s at school. I want him to have all the same educational opportunities I did.  DAMN THE SPECIAL NEEDS, DAMN HIS RACE, DAMN ALL THOSE STEREOTYPES THAT EXIST IN THIS 3D WORLD!!  This world and societies mind set is narrow minded and that is part of the reason our EDUCATIONAL system is DISCOMBOBULATED!